Brothers!
Your “Looking for a wife” posts on the internet will not bring results. Sisters, by nature and by Shari’ah, do not initiate contact. A true man takes the first step: shows initiative, seeks a wife, and approaches her directly. This is the path of responsibility and dignity.
In our tradition and in the adab of modesty, a Muslim woman does not initiate acquaintance by herself and does not take the first step in writing to men. Allah has commanded women to preserve their modesty and dignity, and men to be responsible, determined, and to take the initiative.
Therefore, do not expect a sister to message first or to make the initial move. It is the duty of the man to show interest, to make a proposal, and to ask questions about marriage and serious intentions.
A sister may respond to your approach, but she will not begin the conversation herself, for in this way she protects her honor, her modesty, and follows the Sunnah.
If you truly seek a wife, then take action: write, initiate, ask — this is the conduct of a Muslim who sincerely desires family life and seeks to act according to the Shari’ah.
Regarding the example of Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her):
Yes, she wished to marry the Prophet ﷺ, but remember:
- She did not contact him directly.
She conveyed her wish through a trusted friend, preserving her modesty. - She was older, respected, and well-known in Makkah for her dignity and honor.
This was a unique case, not a rule for all women. - Islam later gave general guidance for Muslim women.
A woman is to preserve her modesty and not openly initiate contact with men.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“Modesty is part of faith.” (Bukhari, Muslim).
Thus, the example of Khadijah (RA) is not a justification for sisters today to send the first message to men. In our time, a Muslim woman shows modesty, while it is the man’s duty to take initiative and approach her with sincere intentions for marriage.
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